Barbara Walters is just plain rude

I am absolutely certain that if Ludlow Porch were within striking distance, he would clobber Barbara Walters smack dab in the face with a whole pan of deep-fried cheese biscuits for her rude behavior last week. And, if I were anywhere nearby, I would help him teach that old bag of bones a lesson in manners.

Yes, Barbara Walters. That snooty old witch that is the lead hen on that television show, “The View” ought to be taken to task for her inane comments.

Last week, Baba Wawa (if you watched Saturday Night Live in the 1970s you understand the reference) attacked Paula Deen – one of the South’s finest cooks - during a segment of that stupid show. Ms. Holier-Than-Thou said, pretty much, that it was Paula’s fault that kids are fat. Well, she actually said Paula was helping to promote childhood obesity with her new cookbook, “Paula Deen’s Cookbook for the Lunchbox Set.”

“This is a cookbook for kids. Obesity is the number one problem for kids today. Everything you have here is enormously fattening. You tell kids to have cheesecake for breakfast! You tell them to have chocolate cake and meatloaf for lunch. Doesn’t it ever bother you that you’re adding to this?” disparaged Walters.

Paula was taken aback by the comments of the skinny scarecrow of what is left of a former television journalist. But, she was polite and explained that she was not suggesting that children should eat everything in the cookbook at one time. “No, I’m not saying that they should eat like this every day,” said Paula.

Paula should have shoved some of the goodies she prepared for the show down Walters’ throat. Oh, I’m not saying she should have done that in retaliation for Walters’ remarks. Paula should have done that to help Walters become a healthy person. She is, after all, a poster child for malnutrition. And filling her mouth with good Paula Deen cooked food is a better alternative than allowing her to spout out any more rudeness.

Walters should have followed the lead of the other women on the show and gobbled up the goodies. Whoopee Goldberg was chowin’ down on Paula’s fried chicken and making no complaints. The other three women were shoveling down strawberry cake and little finger sandwiches made with slices of tomato between light bread with mayonnaise smeared on them for that added flavor.

You see, while Barbara Walters was out learning to be rude, Paula Deen was working for a living and trying to raise her sons doing what she does best – cooking food. She was also learning manners. That is something Barbara Walters lacks.

Any son or daughter of the South knows it is impolite to ask someone to come over and bring the groceries with them without supplying some of your own for sharing as well. You especially do not criticize your guest when she has prepared some of the finest groceries known to mankind. I have eaten Paula Deen’s cooking and I must admit it was wonderful. Uncle Bubba’s cooking ain’t bad, either. If you ever get over to Savannah, try them out yourself. Don’t invite Barbara Walters to tag along. She will only cause a bad case of indigestion.

Childhood obesity is a problem – a big problem. It is not, however, Paula Deen’s cookbook’s fault. If Barbara Walters wants to blame someone or some thing, blame fast food restaurants and soft drink manufacturers. Blame the parents of the obese children for not teaching their children about proper nutrition. Barbara Walters can also blame herself for not doing enough stories about proper nutrition herself. Instead of doing that, she was too busy hob knobbing with the Hollywood and Washington D.C. crowds to worry about children’s health.

There, I have said it. Using the same liberal logic that she employed to blame Paula Deen’s cookbook, I have deduced that childhood obesity is Barbara Walters’ fault. It makes as much sense as blaming a cookbook for promoting obesity at any age.

Happy Constitution Day to you all

I am not, by any means, a fan of United States Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia, but today I must tip my hat to him for his effort to see that we have this day to celebrate. Yes, this day – Sept. 17. Today is Constitution Day.
Sen. Byrd placed an amendment in the Omnibus spending bill of 2004 which created this day to honor our country’s supreme document of law. Unfortunately, it seems Sen. Byrd and his many cohorts on Capitol Hill only pretend to honor our nation’s most important document. Many times they seem to view it as nothing more than a floor mat to wipe their feet upon.
But, still, I have to give Sen. Byrd proper credit for creating a holiday to recognize the ratification of the United States Constitution which was signed on Sept. 17, 1787 – 222 years ago today. The bill passed by Sen. Byrd and the United States Senate, and of course by the United States House of Representatives, does not just present us with an opportunity to honor the Constitution; it requires our schools to teach our children about this important document on this very day. I wonder if that is being done.
I asked a couple of local teachers about their plans for Constitution Day and they looked at me with blank stares and asked, “What’s that?”
Well, that was very disappointing to me. The law which created Constitution Day mandates that all publicly funded educational institutions provide educational programs on the history of the Constitution on Sept. 17 of each year. This law applies to any school that receives any federal funds. Schools that fail to observe Constitution Day and provide educational programs should, in my opinion, lose all federal funds. But, that is just my opinion.
Because most of you who are reading this column today are not attending a publicly funded educational institution, I want to share some information on the United States Constitution so that you will not feel left out on this important holiday. The first thing I want you to know is how stable this document has been over the course of its 222 years. There have been only 27 changes to it in that time – well, if you consider the inclusion of the Bill of Rights in 1892, there have been only 17 changes.
Now, do not think that there have not been attempts to make changes over the years. In fact, there have been over 10,000 proposed changes to the Constitution in 222 years. Fortunately, the great majority of those proposed changes have been rejected. Why is that? Well, I like to think it is because the document was so finely crafted by our Founding Fathers that very few of the proposed changes were necessary.
Some proposed amendments to the Constitution which were not approved over the years include an attempt to forbid religious leaders from holding public office (1876), replacing the office of President with an Executive Council of Three (1878), renaming this nation the “United States of the Earth” (1893), abolishing the United States Army and Navy (1893), an attempt to limit personal wealth to $1 million (1933), an attempt to set the maximum income tax level for an individual at 25 percent (1947) and an attempt to abolish the United States Senate (1876). If they had included the abolishing the United States House of Representatives in that last one I listed, it might have passed. I’m sure it would receive strong consideration today if left up to a vote of the people. There are several on that list that are probably still under consideration and still have a shot at being approved. As for limiting an individual’s income tax rate to 25 percent, well that will never pass. Politicians are always trying to take more of our money away from us and 25 percent is just too low for them to waste time stealing. How could they expect us to repay them for all the recent bailouts they made with our money at that income tax rate? Get real.
Since the passage of the 18th Amendment, there has been a seven-year time limit for ratification of changes to the Constitution – sort of. The seven-year rule has been the norm, but it did not apply to the 27th Amendment. It took nearly 203 years for that one to get approval. The 27th Amendment was first proposed on Sept. 25, 1789 and finally approved on May 7, 1992. The amendment prevents senators and representatives from changing the compensation for their positions prior to an election cycle.
It sure did not take our local officials 203 years to change the compensation for their positions. They did within about six months of being elected and made the change take effect immediately. And with that biased statement, I have just provided you with an example of what the Constitution provides each of us in its 1st Amendment – the right of free speech. You have a lot of other rights provided to you by the Constitution. I hope you take the time to read this document and learn what those rights are before they are taken away from you. Happy Constitution Day!

Okay, so they did not explain the urgency

Yes, I was back at work on Monday.

No, I did not feel the best that I could have felt.

No, I was not afraid I would lose my job if I did not show up.

Yes, I have plenty of vacation days available to me if I need them.

You are probably right, it wasn’t the brightest idea I’ve had lately.

I was just going stir crazy at home and it had only been three days – two and a half, actually.

No, I was not resting comfortably in the bed or in my easy chair.

Yes, my leg is a little sore.

No, I have no heart pain right now and haven’t noticed any since I underwent the procedure on Friday.

No, it wasn’t like the procedure they performed on Lewis Grizzard. They did not tear out my heart and stomp the sucker flat. They merely sent in the roto-rooter to clean up the piping.

Does that pretty much answer your questions? Or did I just create new ones?

What happened is . . .

On Aug. 5, I spent a whole day, it seemed, going through a stress test on my heart, which was giving me no indication of a problem. It was just your routine annual-type check-up. It was not the first time I have been made to have a stress test – though I think most of a stress test has to do with the stress involved in having to take the test in the first place. Does that make sense?

Well, anyway, I took several tests – all involving a great deal of stress – on that day. Then after all the tests, I was given a monitor to wear for 24 hours. That did not work out too well. The leads kept coming loose and the sticky pads they were to connect to were not very cooperative. In the end, it really did not matter. The doctor’s office – well, one of his nurses – called and said they wanted me to return immediately for more tests. Of course, I was all happy about that. Not really.

They wanted me back “immediately.” I said okay, I would be back that way next week. My youngest child’s birthday was on Saturday. They wanted me there on Monday. I said no way. I had a newspaper edition to get out that would take up Monday and Tuesday. So, the next “immediately” available date was last Friday, Aug. 14.

I’m not sure the doctor and his staff were exactly happy with my decision to wait until last Friday, but they were not exactly stressing the urgency of the matter, either. They said they just wanted to run some dye in my system to see what was causing an “abnormality.” It was not until after I arrived and was prepped for surgery that I was informed the test might result in some immediate attention, if possible.

First of all, why was I being prepped for surgery when all I was there for was a procedure? And why is it that when I refer to it as a procedure it becomes surgery and when I say surgery it becomes a procedure? You can see my confusion.

Well, I was doped up and sent to la-la land right after the prepping. They woke me up to move me across the hall to the operating room where I was doped some more. I had been told I would be able to watch the doctor as he fished around inside my heart. Maybe I could have if I had been able to stay awake, but I slept through the whole procedure/surgery, which did in fact require some immediate attention – a stint to relieve a blockage of about 95 percent. They did not tell me the “abnormality” was that abnormal.

I was told, when I awakened in the recovery room, that I was doing well and would be released from the hospital in an hour – an hour that I had to stay lying still on my back. If I had been able to sleep through that, I would have handled it much better. That was the worst part of the procedure/operation – having to lie flat for that final hour, 60 minutes, 3,600 seconds. I was also told, if I felt like it, that I could return to work the next day, which was Saturday. They could have added that I would not feel like it, though.

Truth of the matter is, I felt like I had been run over by a fleet of 18-wheelers – however many that is. I still felt that way on Monday, but I was going stir crazy and needed to get out of the house. I was later informed by the folks that said I could go right back to work that, I would probably feel the way I was feeling for several days. My immediate thought about that was that it would probably go over about as well as that last hour in the recovery room.

I’m sure I will get better. I have to. I’m fixed. Well, part of me is fixed. I still have other problems for other doctors to deal with, but maybe some day I will be completely fixed. Until then, I will be thankful for the parts of me that do work correctly. If you have any parts that you suspect need a doctor’s attention. Get it. If the doctor and his staff tell you they want you back immediately, listen to them. Just do not believe the part about feeling good enough to return to work in a day. It will probably take a little longer than that.

Losing a family member, even a dog, is difficult

I had intended to write another rant about the dishonesty of our nation's politicians this week, but things changed Monday night and I was compelled to change my topic. After all, we all know politicians on the national level - whether Republican or Democrat - are dishonest. Otherwise, the world would be a much different place.
Politicians talk about opposing deficits, but they create them. They say they are for lower taxes, yet they are the ones that create all taxes and have the power to lower them or do away with them all together. They say they are for term limits, but will not take action to create a law to prevent politcians from serving forever - except the president who may serve only two terms.
But, enough of that or I will go full-force into my rant.That's what I had intended to write and rant about this week, but no - like I said things changed Monday night.
Sometime after 7 p.m., my wife and kids burst into tears while I was preparing to write my column. It was a sad moment. "Mr. Happy" died - that's the nickname our friends gave our dog Cudreaux. He would have been 15 years old this Christmas. We found Cudreaux at the Phenix City dog pound. He was a tiny, fuzzy puppy with a friendly attitude. He changed over the years. He grew into a very large and unfriendly dog. I guess that is an unfair assessment of his transformation. He was only unfriendly to strangers or anyone that was not a member of our family and that includes the other animals we live among.
When Cudreaux was younger, we allowed him to roam free. That was a mistake. Cudreaux would roam over to our neighbors' homes and pilfer a shoe or two, but never a pair. Many was the time one of our neighbors would be looking around our yard in hopes of finding their missing shoes. They usually found them without damage. For some reason, Cudreaux just wanted to steal the shoes. He wouldn't chew them.As he grew older, he developed a nasty attitude about people he did not live with.
My friend Phil Eckert had a special dislike for Cudreaux and the feeling was mutual. Once Phil decided to sneak outside to smoke a cigerette in our driveway. Phil was not supposed to be smoking. He had promised his wife he would quit. I guess Cudreaux knew this and wanted to express his displeasure that Phil had broken his promise to his wife, Kim. Cudreaux ran up behind Phil in the dark and almost gave him a heart-attack with the noise he made. Phil thought Cudreaux was Cujo.
On another occassion, Cudreaux pinned Phil between his truck and our house when he arrived when no one was home. Fortunately, by this time, we had put Cudreaux on a running cord, giving him some freedom, but not complete freedom to roam as he had in the past. Phil escaped unscathed.
In the last few years, Cudreaux lived most of the time in our laundry room. We would just leave the back door open and allow him to come in and out as he pleased. He loved that room. He had his own fan to cool him off on hot days. When we shut the door to the room in the evening, he would bark to let us know he needed to go out. He shared the room with any animal that lived in our home. He loved company - company he knew. There was a cat named Jack that started staying around our house. Jack was not our cat. Jack was Cudreaux's cat. At night, Cudreaux would stand in the driveway and bark until Jack came inside with him.
If, by chance, Cudreaux escaped his running cord, he would venture into the other parts of the house to check on us. He liked to lay in the living room until he was taken back to his room and put back on his cord. Sometimes I sat in the floor with him and scratch his back. He liked being scratched most of the time. When he did not want to be scratched, he would growl and snap at you. He never bit anyone, but he made it plain that he was prepared to - even the people he liked. He had strange ways, but don't we all.
The best thing about Cudreaux was the fact he never was a slacker when it came to his job of protecting us. Day or night, no one came near our home without Cudreaux sounding the alarm. Strangers would ask if he would bite and we would assure them he would not as long as he could not get to them.
We have a friend who said he was going to pet Cudreaux some day. It never happened. Our friend coaxed Cudreaux with food to gain acceptance. It did not work. Cudreaux was thankful for the food, but our friend was not going to get the opportunity to pet him. He could just put the food down and back away slowly. Our friend vowed to pet Cudreaux even if he had to wait until he was dead. That didn't happen either. Our friend was out of town when Cudreaux died. We called to let him know Cudreaux was dead and our friend was saddened. He knew Cudreaux had won the battle of wills.
Now, we have no Cudreaux. We just have memories of a dog that was a big part of our lives for nearly 15 years. It is always tough when a family loses a loved one, even one with a bad attitude and lots of fur. I have heard all dogs go to heaven. I don't know if that is true or not, but, if Cudreaux is there, he will sound the alarm for St. Peter when someone reaches the Pearly Gates. My advice to those people entering the gates - don't try to pet him.

Politicians should learn to read bills first

Some people do not have their priorities in order. Consider the following argument about what is important and what is not:

Average Uninformed American: Hey, did you hear about Paula Abdul?

Me: No, and I do not want to talk about that. Let’s talk about what the morons in Washington, D.C. are doing to our future.

AUA: What about Paula’s future? Shouldn’t we be concerned about that?

Me: No, Paula can worry about Paula. We have to worry about what the politicians are doing to us. They are spending money by the billions. I saw on the television news that the politicians are spending about $11 million an hour right now and it is going to get worse. In fact, there are projects that the politicians will spend about $4 trillion on this year.

AUA: Yeah, but Paula is not getting anything. The folks at American Idol haven’t offered her a contract. Well, one report said they offered her a paltry $10 million a year to remain as a judge.

Me: That’s chump change when you consider what the politicians are spending.

AUA: You are right. They are offering Paula chump change. Heck, she is the star of the show. They gave that creepy Ryan Seacrest $15 million -- actually $45 million -- for a three-year deal. Simon Cowell, that rude British guy, is supposed to be getting $100 million a season. But, poor ole Paula is getting stiffed.

Me: She’s not getting stiffed. The American taxpayers are getting stiffed. Who do you think will pay back all this money the politicians are spending? It’s going to be us.

AUA: Well, how can Paula pay her share if she isn’t paid a living wage for her work? You think she can live off a teeny, tiny salary of $10 million? Come on, be realistic.

Me: Realistic? You think $10 million is a teeny, tiny salary? Most working Americans have to survive on much, much, much less. Most of America works for an hourly wage of less than $10 dollars per hour – many, much less. You want to worry about something, worry about how they will be able to pay back their share of what the politicians are spending.

AUA: Most people do not have the expenses that Paula has to deal with. Do you know how much it costs to have servants take care of her mansion?

Me: I would reckon it takes more than the average American makes in a year. Probably more than two average Americans make. Tell her to take care of the mansion herself.

AUA: What, you expect Paula to scrub floors and cut grass?

Me: Why not? Most people take care of their own homes – if they can still afford to own a home – by themselves. They scrub their own floors and cut their own grass. But forget about that and start thinking about what is really important.

AUA: Oh, you mean like whether Kate and Jon Gosselin will get back together?

Me: No, I mean like the health care for Americans bill that the United States Congress is considering. The bill has 1,018 pages. None of the politicians seem to take the time to read bills before voting on them. They just blindly believe what other politicians tell them about the bill and vote in favor of their passage. Have you seen what is on the sixteenth page of the bill? It calls for the end of private insurance coverage. The president said we could keep our current coverage. Well, we can keep it until we change jobs. Then we have to go on the politicians’ plan.

AUA: That cannot be true. No one in Washington, D.C. is going to do that to us – especially not the president. You must be reading it wrong.

Me: No, it says it right there on the sixteenth page of H.R. 3200; Sec. 102 (A) (1) (a), “Except as provided in this paragraph, the individual health insurance issuer offering such coverage does not enroll any individual in such coverage if the first effective date of coverage is on or after the first day” of the year the legislation becomes law.”

AUA: It’s a misprint.

Me: Nope, not according to the House Ways and Means Committee, it is right there in black and white. The committee says the bill states exactly what I pointed out to you.

AUA: Don’t worry about the wording. The politicians will straighten that out before they vote to approve the bill. All they want to do is take care of us.

Me: That’s the problem. Politicians rarely take care of us. They are too busy taking care of themselves. If they cared about us, they would learn to read bills before considering them for passage. All it took to catch this political lie was to read the first few pages of the bill. As an editorial in the Investor’s Business Daily pointed out on July 15, “It took just 16 pages of reading to find this naked attempt by the political powers to increase their reach. It’s scary to think how many more breaches of liberty we’ll come across in the final 1,002.” It scares me. It scares me a lot more than the possibility that Paula Abdul may not get $20 million to be on American Idol.

AAI: There you conservatives go again, spreading vicious rumors and innuendoes about our loving, caring, liberal leaders. And you are doing it now during Paula’s time of need. Next, you will be telling everyone that Walter Cronkite is dead.

Me: He is dead.

AAI: I told you. It’s just more conservative lies.

Lexi brought out my rule-breaking side

Any of you out there that know my family and me know we have a multitude of animals. We have three dogs (Chief, Cudreau and Copper), four gerbils (Mama, Baby Mama, Chester and Lester), a guinea pig (Cookie) and five cats (Jericho, Harrison, Pookie, Speckles and Screamer). Actually, there are six (Blackie) at times - eh, maybe nine (there are visitors from time to time that do not really belong to us, but then who really ever owns a cat?).

This past week, the number of animals in my home increased by one. My youngest daughter, Mara, agreed to doggie-sit for a friend while the friend and her family made a trip to Florida. That made our animal community number around 18- give or take a visitor. It, the dog my daughter agreed to sit, was a friendly, black cocker spaniel named “Lexi.”

When Lexi came to our home, my daughter informed us of a strict list of rules to be followed when dealing with the visiting animal. Lexi was to remain in her cage when not eating or exercising. Lexi had a strict diet to be followed. Lexi was to be treated as what she was - a dog.

Needless to say, I am not the best at following the rules when it comes to animals. I freely admit that during one particular holiday season several years ago in a place I will not I identify; I set several animals free from incarceration by local authorities. Some animals do not belong in cages. I blame my father for this trait or character flaw, if you prefer.

I know this has nothing to do with the story I am telling you at this time, but my father and I once gave a dog its freedom while visiting my grandmother in Needmore - a small community just outside Troy. Some uncaring owners had tied the animal to a rope inside of its enclosure. The dog was about to strangle itself when it climbed upon its doghouse and decided to jump off. My father untangled the rope several times during our visit to my grandmother’s home. My father later instructed me to release the poor animal from its rope and place it in the backseat of our car. We were halfway home before my mother realized what we had done. Byllie, that’s the name we gave her, lived a free life in our home for the next 15 years or so. 

My father was always doing things like that because of his love of animals - especially dogs. Once he came home with a mama dog and about 15 newborn pups. He got them at the dog pound. When he heard the dogcatcher intended to put the mama dog and pups to sleep, my father informed the dogcatcher he was not going to do that to “his” dogs. No, they were not really his dogs, but they became his dogs. At that time, we had about 21 or more dogs at our home in Asbury Park.

Now you can understand how I came about my feelings when it comes to animals - especially dogs. I think I have instilled the same feelings for animals in my daughters. 

Back to Lexi . . .

Well, you can see I was not about to follow the rules. Lexi ran freely in our home for a week. She jumped on furniture and wrestled with Copper and Chief. She did not wrestle with Cudreau. Cudreau is not the playful kind - just ask any of our friends. I think I may have “accidentally” dropped some table scraps, which Lexi consumed without permission. Nicky Mac and Madison, two children my daughters were babysitting during Lexi’s visit, were not as covert as I was when it came to feeding the visiting animal. The two of them openly defied the no-scrap-feeding rule. Nicky Mac and Madison fed Lexi cheese curls and chicken nuggets. Lexi even took a liking to my wife, Dolly, and she, my wife, does not like dogs - or so she says. Want to see if that is a lie? Try taking Copper or Chief away from her. Lexi quickly made her way into Dolly’s favor.

As for me, well, Lexi is a poor judge of character. She sat in my recliner with me. Once or twice when I took a nap, Lexi made the decision of her own free will to nap next to me. Lexi also slept with my daughters and even on the couch with Dolly, Chief and Copper. Lexi tried to make friends with our cats, but cats are not exactly friend-making animals.

They say confession is good for the soul, or at least that is what I’ve heard over the years. So, I freely confess to violating the rules when it came to the treatment of Lexi within my home. I hope Lexi gets to return for another visit. I promised her ice cream next time.

These folks almost won awards

It has been a while since I checked in on the Darwin Awards Web site. So, I figured this would be a good week to do so. After all, I have been a bit serious in my writing lately. I think it’s time to be on the lighthearted side . . . for a short time, anyway.

But instead of informing you of the most recent Darwin Award nominees, I have decided to tell you about a few of the near-misses for the honor. Remember, the Darwin Awards are reserved for people who voluntarily remove themselves from the gene pool. I suspect some of them are not quite truthful – maybe all of them. They are quite funny though.

Here goes . . .

Loch Ness Monster

On Lake Isabella, in the high desert east of Bakersfield, Calif., a woman was having trouble with her boat. 

No matter how she tried, she just couldn’t get her new 22-foot Bayliner to perform. It was sluggish in every maneuver, regardless of the power applied. She tried for an hour to make her boat go, but finally gave up and putted over to a nearby marina for help. 

A topside check revealed that everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outboard motor pivoted up and down and the prop was the correct size and pitch. 

One of the marina guys jumped in the water to check beneath the boat. He came up almost choking on water, he was laughing so hard. 

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer. 

Note: I swear none of the women in my home have ever visited Lake Isabella.

Bodacious Bud

An Indiana man had the good fortune to raise a healthy marijuana plant in his back yard. But then tragedy struck. He received a phone call from the authorities saying he was busted, but they would not press charges if he brought the bush into the station. Roots and all. So he sadly hacked his eight-foot annual down and carried it into the lobby of the sheriff’s office, where startled officers took him into custody for suspected felony cultivation. Turns out the phone call was a prank.

Note: This is one that should have been mentioned on the “John Boy and Billy” radio show, but I’m sure the Russell County Sheriff’s Office has similar stories to tell. I seem to remember one about a meth lab bust where the not-so-smart criminal felt the local officers should have posted the proper recipe for the illegal drug on the office’s Web site. 

Official Drug Test

A woman in Canada called the police with a complaint that she had been burnt in a drug deal. She claimed that a man had sold her a rock of crack cocaine, but, when she brought it home, it “looked like baking powder.” The police dispatched a narcotics agent to her house, who tested the rock and verified that, despite its appearance, it was indeed cocaine. The woman was promptly arrested for drug possession. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police are encouraging anyone who thinks they may have been fooled into buying fake drugs to come forward.

Note: See the note after “Bodacious Bud.”

Blondes and Oil Changes

Amy Brasher, 45 years old, was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn’t realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

Note: Everything in Texas is bigger – even airheads.

Sobriety Test

 In a poorly judged attempt to convince his wife he was sober enough to drive, a 29-year-old husband pulled up to a State Police barracks in his pickup truck, parked illegally and demanded a sobriety check. He failed the Breathalyzer test and was taken into custody. “Basically,” an amused Sergeant Paul Slevinski explained, “his wife won the argument.”

Note: This proves you should never argue with your wife. Just admit you are wrong and let her drive.

Well, I hope you enjoyed those stories. They are humorous, if they are not true. If they are true, all of these people are just a step away from earning a Darwin Award.

We should sing the praises of our school leaders

Often we overlook what is good about our community. We should not, but we do. It is just our nature. It should not be, but it is.We should be grateful for the fine job our Phenix City Board of Education has done in recent years in seeing that our children are educated to a level that exceeds expectations. Our board of education members, administrators and teachers are recognized among the best of the best. But, we allow their work to be overlooked.Well, others are not allowing that to happen. They are singing the praises of our local educators and the accomplishments of our students.In the recently released 2009 edition of Diplomas Count, in a research article titled "Broader Horizons: The Challenge of College Readiness for All Students," Phenix City ranks as the 14th best school system in the country for the year 2006 - the last year for which information was available. For a 10-year period from 1996-2006, Phenix City's school system ranked even higher - third in the entire country.The survey was released recently on the Education Week Web site at www.edweek.org and was conducted by the Editorial Projects in Education Research Center. The survey ranked school systems from all 50 states and the District of Columbia. Most systems, according to the research, are meeting "expected" levels when you consider the size of the district, the community's poverty rates, concentrations of minority students and per-pupil spending levels for the district. We did not meet the "expected" levels. We exceeded those levels. In fact, about 2,200 systems throughout the nation exceeded the expected levels by 10 percent or more.Phenix City's leadership, the driving force behind the system's success, pushed our children to exceed the expected levels by 13 percent for 2006. For the 10-year period of the survey, Phenix City's students exceeded expected levels by 28 percent. The only other school system in Alabama mentioned in the 10-year survey was Opelika's which ranked ninth - 13 percentage points behind Phenix City.How is that possible? How could this have taken place in little biddy ole Phenix City? The answer is simple - great leadership by our board of education, administrators and teachers. Also give credit to those who have benefited the most by the work of those individuals - our students.Give credit to all these groups that have achieved this level of distinction while overcoming many obstacles - some good and some bad. The system is the city's fastest growing industry - adding an average of 200 new students each year while systems around it are losing students. Maybe the reason for that is people are recognizing the success of our system and choosing to come here with their children to attend our schools. Expect the numbers to continue to grow as our system prepares for an influx of families relocating to the area under the military's Base Realignment and Closure program. Remember first that our numbers have grown by 200 students per year over the past five years and BRAC was not a part of the reason for that growth. Phenix City is the fourth-fastest growing school system in Alabama. Our education system and its leaders - those in the board room, in administrative positions and in the classroom - will be a big selling point for folks to relocate here when BRAC does begin to affect growth in our area. Our schools have the best facilities, education programs and technology. Our community will see the opening of our new Freshman Academy this fall, a facility that will be home to about 500 students. We have elementary schools that have recently been renovated or that have seen new additions constructed. There are plans for more construction to accommodate the students we currently serve - not the students we may receive in the future. While other systems are stagnant, we have a school system that is thriving.So, should we as a community jump on the bandwagon and sing the praises of our school system? Yes we should. We as a community should stand up and tell anyone who would work against what our school system has achieved to back off. Tell our local city leaders to stand with our school leaders to see this progress continues and to never allow petty politics to get in the way of what is best for our children. From what our school leaders have achieved, it is clear that they are not allowing their differences to stand in the way. The example they have set is well worth emulating.

They had me at first chew

You can use hypnosis. You can use chewing gum. You can use the "patch." Use anything you think will help you kick the habit. I doubt any of them will work, but try anyway.My dependency on tobacco began a long time ago. I was about 11 years old, maybe 12, when I chewed tobacco for the first time. I got sick, very, very sick.Now, I cannot blame the tobacco completely for the ill effects I suffered. You see, I combined the tobacco usage with a trip to a traveling carnival that set up near Phenix Plaza. That was in 1968 or 1969 when Phenix Plaza was a hot spot for shopping in Phenix City. Traveling carnivals were regular events back then.I remember I walked from the Phenix City Boys Club to the Phenix Plaza to enjoy the carnival's pleasures. Along the way, I stopped at an old store near what was once the Hitchin' Post. I walked right in and lied to the owner. I told the man my father wanted me to get him some "Conwood." He looked at me a moment and then handed the chewing tobacco over.Why did I pick Conwood? Well, it was cool. The Conwood Man was the big thing in the television commercials. Yes, they used to show tobacco commercials on television - both for chewing tobacco and cigarettes. I think it cost me 50 cents for that pack of coolness. In the end, it was a small price to pay for the lesson I learned. After purchasing the Conwood, I headed to the carnival. I had a friend with me, so I shared my ill-gotten tobacco. I think he was 10 years old. We chewed. We rode the rides. We got sick . . . very sick. We gave up tobacco on the spot. Well, I thought I had given up tobacco, but later in life I would learn otherwise. Let me just say my tobacco dependency went into remission - or is that hibernation. Well, whatever.Years would pass before I chewed again. Keep that thought for a minute.When I was about 14 years old, I tried tobacco in a different form - cigarettes. A friend of mine - I will not name names, but it was not long before I was trying to keep up with the Joneses - would sneak cigarettes from his father and we would head to the woods to puff it up. Smoking is a bad habit that is very hard to break. When cigarettes were not available, we turned to other leafy treasures provided by Mother Nature. Yep, we rolled rabbit tobacco in brown paper and tried to puff on that. I do not know if the rabbit tobacco was of poor quality or whether rolling it in brown paper was a bad idea. Either way, it nearly choked us to death. My dependency on this form of tobacco use ended quickly. Well, once again, let me say it stopped for a while.I think I started smoking cigarettes - legally - at 21 years old. I smoked Salem cigarettes. Later, I smoke Salem Lights. And finally, I smoked Salem Ultra Lights. I smoked until I was in my early 30s. Why did I give them up then? I got sick and had a hard time breathing. Dr. Howard Weldon sent me for an x-ray and it showed a spot on my left lung. Dr. Weldon said it could be hardened congestion or it could be cancer. He said I needed to have another x-ray in a couple of weeks. I went into "worry" mode, but I did not quit smoking. I remember when that happened.After the second x-ray, I was driving back to work when Dr. Weldon called to tell me the results. It was not cancer, but Dr. Weldon said it could have been. I tossed a nearly new pack of cigarettes out of my car window. I have never picked up a cigarette since that day.I will never smoke another cigarette as long as I live and as long as I admit I am hooked on them. What does that mean? Well, as long as I understand I am hooked on cigarettes I can avoid smoking. As long as I do not allow myself to believe I have kicked the habit, I can refrain from smoking. I know as soon as I start bragging about how I beat the habit, cigarettes will attack me and prove me wrong. I readily admit that, if I had a carton of cigarettes right now, I would rip the ends off both sides and smoke the whole carton at once just like a harmonica. Because I know that, I can keep the bear off my back.But, I have continued to chew tobacco. I started doing that again about a year after I quit smoking cigarettes. I chew Levi Garrett - about a pack a week. Which proves just how addictive tobacco is. You see, it was Conwood that got me addicted. It is Conwood that still holds me in its grip. How is that possible?Remember I told you my first experience with tobacco was the illegal purchase of a pack of Conwood when I was about 11 years old. The Conwood brand is no longer available for purchase. So, how can I blame that company? Well, guess who manufactures Levi Garrett - Taylor Brothers, which is a division of the Conwood Company, LLC. They had me at first chew.

Go ahead and try this on your boss

So, the Phenix City Council has voted to give itself a raise – a substantial one at that. Everyone knew it was coming from the time it was introduced by resolution of the council and presented to state legislators. Of course, some will argue it was the other way around.

But, the bill was drafted by the legislators, published in the newspaper, approved by both the Alabama House of Representatives and Senate and signed into law by Gov. Bob Riley – it was a done deal. The next group of council members will receive pay equal to the Russell County Commission and the Phenix City Mayor will receive $35,000 per year.

While I do agree an increase of salary for the council positions and mayor were overdue, I think it went just a little too far, in my opinion. The increase should have been tied to the Consumer Price Index and raised accordingly in proportion to the increase in CPI since the last increase for the Phenix City Council, which was in 2000. There is nothing wrong with that at all, in my opinion.

Where I do have a problem is with the council voting to give itself a “patch” until the next election so that it may enjoy the fruits of the recently approved legislation now. That patch was in the bill. The council members voted last Friday to approve the patch for themselves. They tabled a vote on whether the mayor would receive a patch until the raises go into effect at the next election.

The “patch” is in the form of an undocumented “expense account.” Now isn’t that special? The members of the council will receive pay equal to the county commissioners – over $1,000 per month more than they were making for the positions – without being required to provide documentation that the expenses are valid expenses.

If you have a job, try telling your boss you want the same deal. I think the conversation would go a little like this . . .

You: “Where’s my check for my expenses for $1,800?”

Boss: “Where’s your documentation?”

You: “You promised me a raise after I served you four years. I want it now. I don’t have to provide documentation.”

Boss: “You haven’t served me four years. That promise is for the future, not now. Until then, I will pay you an expense account, but you must provide documentation that those expenses are valid.”

You: “Why? When I took the job, you said I would get the raise. I just want it now. What’s wrong with that?”

Boss: “I also told you that I would give you the raise if you were still here. I don’t know if you will be here in four years. We agreed on a salary when you were hired. You knew what the salary was and you agreed to the terms of our contract. I have investors to protect and I must spend their money wisely. You are being paid exactly what they have said I am allowed to pay you.”

You: “That’s not fair. President Obama said he wanted to see the wealth spread around. I just want mine now. You have to give it to me. You are just the boss. You do not have a say in this matter.”

Boss: “I think I do. You see, it is my job to decide if you have been a good employee and if you deserve the raise – in four years. If you are not willing to abide by the agreement we had, leave now. There are plenty of people waiting to take your place.”

End of conversation – the boss wins.

Now, think about that conversation a little more. Change “You” to “City Council” and “Boss” to “Taxpayers.” Do you understand the situation a little better?

The council members, and mayor, ran for office with the full knowledge of what the positions paid. They, the council members and mayor, have broken their agreements with you – the taxpayers.

In a time when many people are facing loss of jobs, cannot afford health insurance and are barely making ends meet, the people governing the city have decided they deserve more right now. They are not willing to wait until the next election to reap the fruits of the increase in salary. They want – now have – an undocumented expense account as a “patch” until the next election. 

Everyone will have to wait until that next election to see if the “boss” is going to remember the decision the council made was an acceptable one.

Forgotten panties were attention-getter

As watched the morning news on Monday while waiting for my youngest daughter to head to surgery to repair some damage to her shoulder, I also watched the people around me in the waiting room. They seemed disinterested in the happenings being discussed by the talking heads on television.That is, they were disinterested in most of the happenings being discussed.President Barack Obama gave a speech at Notre Dame University on Sunday at the school's graduation ceremony. That was a hot topic for the talking heads. I think they said 27 people were arrested for protesting the president's appearance at the Catholic university. The people arrested protested because his views on abortion were in direct conflict with the views of the Catholic church. Like I said, it was a hot topic. It took up nearly 15 minutes of the news program on Monday morning.I watched the program and listened to what the talking heads had to say. It appeared to me that those people around me were ignoring this major news story. Not one of those people looked up to see what was on the television in that waiting room.The next item being discussed on the television news program was concerning the Speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, saying in a recent news conference that the Central Intelligence Agency had lied to her about the torture methods being used to extract information from enemy combatants at the Guantanamo Bay prison. She did not exactly say the CIA lied, she just nodded when asked if the CIA had lied. The comment - rather the nod - starteda firestorm of controversy. Republicans, fellow Demorcats and CIA Director Leon Panetta. Panetta was extremely critical of Pelosi's comments - or nod - saying, "CIA officers briefed truthfully on the interrogation of Abu Zubaydah, describing the enhanced techniques that had been employed." Panetta says CIA documents confirm the truth was told to Pelosi. He also sent a memo to CIA employees to encourage them saying, "Our task is to tell it like it is - even if that’s not what people always want to hear. Keep it up. Our national security depends on it." He further stated in the memo, "My advice - indeed, my direction - to you is straightforward: Ignore the noise and stay focused on your mission. We have too much work to do to be distracted from our job of protecting this country." His words apparently insinuated that Pelosi was not interested in the truth nor interested in protecting our country. Like I said, the news story was controversial and should have grabbed the attention of the viewing audiance.I looked around the room and not a head, other than mine, was watching the talking heads discuss the topic. I was wondering what was wrong with these people? Those were two news stories that should have been of great interest to people wishing to keep up with what was happening in our country on this day. But no, no one watched or seemed to care.Then a news story came on about a 16-year-old female student at Sickle High in Tampa, Fla., who was captured in a photograph in the school's yearbook sans panties. Every head in the room turned to focus on the story being told. One woman even got up from her seat to get a better view of the television. It seems the student decided not to wear underpants on the day the photograph was taken because she did not want her panty lines to show. Instead, according to the story, something else of her anatomy showed. The television blurred the specific area in question. The student's mother wants all the yearbooks recalled and reprinted without the photo that has caused her daughter to miss school for over a week due to embarrassment. to me, it was stupid story that should never have made the news at any level - locally, regionally or nationally. But, there it was and everyone was watching.The mother feels the photo will ruin her daughter's life. The photo will follow her throughout her life. Her daughter will never be able to face the other students in her school. The administration says it is a shadow that is seen in the photograph and nothing else. The administration says the student should return to school and laugh it off. The student's mother says the school and its officials are exploiting her daughter by distributing the yearbooks.I could not care less about the story, but it was the item that people were watching int he waiting room at Jack Hughston Memorial Hospital on Monday morning. Several made comments about how silly the story was. Others in the room said the yearbook should be reprinted. I guess they do not realize the cost involved. If anything, and I am not syaing anything should be done, the school officials could use a permanent marker to blackout the area of the photograph that is causing the stir. I do not know what can be done to remove the photos on the Internet that are being distributed by several sites that show the area of the photograph without a blur. Back in my high school days - before the dinosaurs left the earth - there was a photograph in my senior yearbook showing a portion of the anatomy of a basketball player hanging from his shorts. How the photograph got past the students and teachers who prepared the yearbook is beyond me. But, it was there and is still there today. That student's parents did not demand the school to recall and reprint the yearbook. Everyone just laughed it off - even the basketball player. However, that was then. Times have changed. Honest mistakes were forgiven. And the news media had better things to report.Yes, it is an embarrassment for the young girl, but maybe she will learn a lesson from this event and wear her underpants from now on. If her mother had taught her that to begin with, there would be no story. And, maybe, the people in the waiting room on Monday morning would have continued to ignore the morning news show all together.

I would choose fantasy over reality

If there is one thing on television I cannot stand, it is reality programs.
Why on earth would anyone want to watch reality television programs? I know about reality. I live reality every day of my life. And let me tell you, reality stinks about eight out of every 10 days.What I want is fantasy. Oh, to dream a dream, to live fantasy is much more appealing.
In reality, bad things happen. In fantasy, bad things happen, but they are not reality. Take for instance, the television program "24" is fantasy. Jack Bauer kills a lot of people and saves the world every season. Jack is a hero. You go out and kill a bunch of people, even enemies of the United States, and see what you get as a reward - prison time.
Now, prison time would not be so bad if it were like the time spent in prison on the television show "Prison Break." Michael and Lincoln have been on the run for three, or is it four, seasons now. They were in prison and then they were out and back in again. They are trying to destroy the "company" and get their normal lives back. That's real fantasy when you have to endure being in prison, escaping from prison and avoiding capture by the "company." The program ends this week forever and I am sure the world will be wonderful again for Michael and Lincoln. They will go on to live life to its fullest.
Speaking of "Life," that is another television program filled with fantasy that has apparently ended - cancelled just when Charlie was about to figure out why he had been set up and sent to prison. There's that prison theme once more. Why are television writers so emamoured about prison life? Anyway, Charlie was framed by fellow police officers for murder. He lost his family, but was awarded millions of dollars by the City of Los Angeles. Money can heal a lot of old wounds, but Charlie was still trying to solve the mystery of why he was set up. I guess we will never know the reason since the show has been cancelled.
We do know why Sam was such a nut case on "Life on Mars." That was another cop show that has now been cancelled. Sam was a police officer in New York City who was hit by a car, went into a coma and awakened in 1973. It was a very confusing program to say the least, but very interesting to watch. Sam knew things the other police officers did not know - things about technology that had not yet been invented. He had to watch himself to avoid being sent to the nut house. But the network that ran the program had the good sense to give it an ending instead of leaving us all hanging. Sam's nickname, the one he was given by the cops in 1973, was "Spaceman." That is what he was in the end. He was an astronaut who was placed in suspended animation while on a trip to Mars. When he awakened in the final episode, everything made sense. He was just dreaming.
It seems television is always repeating itself season after season. Remember "Dallas" and Bobby Ewing's death? The Bobby Ewing character died. A season later, he was back on the program. It was a dream. Everything we watched for a season was a dream - just fantasy. I cannot remember exactly how much of what we had seen for a season was part of the dream, but I guess we just wrote off the whole season, backed up a year and picked up from there. When Bobby's father Jock Ewing died, I expected that to be a dream too, but that actor died in reality. But, I think, they did try to change actors and continue the character, but later decided the new actor was trying to dupe the other characters into believing he was the real Jock Ewing - if you can fake being a fake that is.
This brings us back to my feelings about reality television programs. The only reality television programs I watch are news programs and about half of the news offered on those programs is fantasy. The recent controversy over the opinion of "marriage" by Miss California Carrie Prejean at the Miss USA Pageant has received way too much television coverage. Prejean said she believed marriage should be between a man and a woman. Some people found the opinion Prejean expressed to be offensive. Those people feel same-sex unions should be recognized as marriage and not refered to as "civil unions." Now, that, I find to be pure fantasy.
Most married people will agree with me. I've been married for over 25 years. There's no way you can convince me that whether it is marriage between a man and a woman or between two people of the same sex that it can ever be refered to as a "civil" union. That's just not reality and it is not fantasy. That is just pure fiction.

Weekend was a special time

Swine Flu, tornadoes, water balloons, bad barbecue and a busted water pump – that pretty much sums up my weekend. It was not one of the better weekends of my life. But, it was a lot of fun.
I was supposed to make a quick trip to Montgomery on Friday to watch Glenwood’s girls play in the opening round of the Alabama Independent School Association Class 3A playoffs and then return home to Phenix City to watch Central High’s girls play in the opening round of the area tournament. Half of that went well. I watched the Glenwood girls beat Prattville Christian 10-0 in that first game. As former President George Bush said, “Mission accomplished.”
The other half of my mission on Friday was a bust. I did not return home to watch Central’s girls. They did not play. The Alabama High School Athletic Association decided it was in the best interest of our state’s student-athletes not to play because of the fear of the spreading of Swine Flu. Several Huntsville area schools shut down last week because of a couple of suspected cases of the disease. The AHSAA decided to err on the side of caution and postpone all weekend events, including the state baseball playoffs and state track and field meet. It was a good decision though several media outlets have now stated that Swine Flu is not as deadly as the normal strain of flu we battle annually. Still, it was a good decision.
So instead of watching more softball on Friday, I attended the Relay for Life at Garrett-Harrison Stadium. As far as I could tell by the number of people on hand when I got there, it was by far the biggest Relay for Life in several years.On Saturday morning, I headed to Alabaster to watch my youngest daughter and her fellow Chattahoochee Valley Community College Lady Pirates at the Alabama Community College Conference state tournament. It was not the first round game I had hoped for. CVCC played by far its best defensive game of the season in a losing effort, 1-0 to Alabama Southern. The Lady Pirates played well on defense, but their offense was not what they wanted.
Because of the loss, the Lady Pirates did not play another game on Saturday. After a mid-afternoon meal at a local wings restaurant, the team returned to its hotel for the evening. It was spent at the hotel’s pool, which was indoors. The parents sat outside on the patio – me included among the group. That’s when we discovered what an evil bunch of children we had raised. It seems that sometime between the time we left the restaurant and returned to the hotel there was a stop at a store that sold water balloons. They purchased 400. The attacked the each other, the coaches and, of course, their parents – me included.
Before the night was over, I was soaked. The other parents were also soaked, but we all forgave the children and wrote it off to just plain old fashion fun.Game 2 of the tournament for was scheduled for Sunday afternoon. CVCC faced Central Alabama Community College in that one. CVCC led 1-0 through the first three innings and maybe should have had more runs. The bats were livelier than they were on Saturday. However, the weather did not cooperate.
The tournament officials ran all the teams off the fields and out of the park because severe weather was on the way. It was, but only for a short while and mostly to the north of the location of the fields. The games were rescheduled for Monday morning. Being good parents, and hoping to be in attendance for what might be the last softball game of our children’s’ lives, we stayed over another night.
Bad move. The girls bought 450 more water balloons and intended to use every one of them. Fortunately, most of the balloons wound up being used to attack a group of electrical contractors by the pool. The group, which works on power lines after being dropped on platforms to work on those lines from helicopters, seemed to enjoy the attention they received. They got soaked as well.
But, before we returned to the hotel from the softball fields and before the new balloons were purchased, we ate at a barbecue restaurant in Alabaster. Now when you refer to a barbecue joint as a restaurant, it is not a barbecue joint. We have joints in Phenix City that serve up the very best barbecue a human could consume. The place, the restaurant, we stopped at does not compare - unless you use it as a bad comparison for what barbecue should be. Heck, these folks served cheese muffins as an appetizer. What’s up with that? And the place did not have even a fingertip container of yellow sauce. It just wasn’t my kind of barbecue. But if you remember an earlier column I wrote about an experience at a barbecue place in Aiken, S.C., do not get the idea that this new place removes that one from the top, or bottom if you will, of my list of places to never, ever, ever eat barbecue. This place was not that bad. It was bad, but not that bad when you factor in the free cheese muffins.
We finished up the Sunday game on Monday and returned home. We got all the way to Opelika before the water pump on our vehicle decided to lock up. We had to be towed home.
It was a very bad, but memorable weekend. I had to deal with Swine Flu, tornadoes, water balloon attacks, bad barbecue and a busted water pump, but I will forget all that and remember the fun I had spending time with friends and our children. Years from now, I have been told, the girls will not remember the scores of the games they played, but they will remember the fun. I certainly hope they will. It was, whether they want to admit it or not, a special time - one to be cherished forever.

Children learn life lesson

We often under appreciate the simple things in life. I found this to be so true this past weekend at my home. My family, especially my children, learned what it is to really go “old school” when our air conditioning unit went on the fritz.
Talk about two grumpy people – my two daughters.
It really did not bother me that we were inconvenienced for a brief time while parts were obtained to repair our air conditioner. For the most part, we were not even at home for the first two days that the unit was in disrepair.
The days were a little uncomfortable, but the nights were actually quite pleasant. We simply opened a couple of windows and used a couple of electric fans to circulate the cooler air from outside around the house. What a genius I am to think of such a solution.
Well, to tell the truth, my father taught me this trick long ago. You see, as a child, I lived in a home without the luxury of the modern air conditioner. Our home in Asbury Park was built – can you believe it – without a central air conditioning unit. In fact, most of the homes in Asbury Park lacked this luxury at that time in Phenix City’s history.
To make life bearable in summer time, my father simply installed a window fan at one end of the house and opened the windows at the other end of the house. He would set the fan to pull the air out of the house and, in doing so, it pulled air into the house at the other end. We left our doors open to our rooms so that everyone could take advantage of the air flowing through the house.
I tried to explain this concept to my children, but they were not true believers. They decided to spend the weekend, at least most of it, at their grandmother’s house, which had air conditioning. My daughters even took my two dogs, Chief and Copper, with them. They abandoned their parents in this time of trouble. Can you imagine that?
Of course, my children have never lived in a home without air conditioning. They have been conditioned to air conditioning from birth. I doubt they will ever spend much time in their futures without this wonderful device invented by Willis Carrier. If they do, it will be because the units in their future homes go on the fritz.
My daughters demanded that I get the air conditioner repaired immediately – on the weekend. I tried to explain that even the air conditioning fixers took the weekend off. Thankfully, and with much appreciation, Al Brewer dropped by to try to ease our pain. He tried, almost had it fixed, but to no avail. The unit just would not cooperate. He had the parts on hand to repair a portion of the unit. Unfortunately, once that part was repaired, it only allowed Al to see the more serious problem. That repair had to wait until Monday morning when he could obtain the needed part.
In a matter of minutes upon his return on Monday, our home was cool again. My children decided to return to their home with one of the dogs – Chief. Copper remained with their grandmother because of his delicate condition – he’s a small puppy. They decided he should remain with their grandmother until they were sure the air conditioner was repaired and working properly. I suspect there is more to this decision than concern for Copper’s health. I think, and this is just my thought on the matter, that Copper decided to stay a little longer because he enjoys the pampering he is receiving – the same pampering my daughters receive when they go to their grandmother’s home.
But, this past weekend, they did get a taste of “old school” life in America. It was better than a trip to Westville, Ga., to see how things were done in the “old days.” I hope they chalk it up as a great life experience. I hope they can share their experience in the future with their children – maybe even with their great grandchildren. I bet their children and great grandchildren will react in the same manner that they did last weekend – with disbelief that anything so valuable to their lives would dare break down without notice. They learned it does happen. I hope they know it will happen again. It’s the cycle of life – and of air conditioning.

I recommend only one therapy listed by Rukovets

While googling for information on insulin, I ran across an article by Olga Rukovets concerning strange medical practices – very strange medical practices. I thought I would share some of the information from the article with you this week. I think you will find the procedures just as strange as I did.
I have diabetes and often search the Internet for information concerning the use of the medicine in dealing with my disease. I will not, however, use insulin in the manner described by Rukovets in her article.
Rukovets lists nine strange medical practices and No. 9 is “insulin coma therapy.” This procedure was discovered in 1927 by a Viennese physician named Manfred Sakel who accidentally gave one of his diabetic patients an insulin overdose, which sent her into a coma. Once she recovered from the mistake, the woman claimed she was no longer addicted to morphine. Sakel made the mistake again with another patient and had the same result.
Sakel began “intentionally” testing what became known as insulin coma therapy on drug addicts and patients who suffered from schizophrenia and psychosis. Sakel reported a 90 percent recovery rate. According to Rukovets’ article, “some experts believe that the hefty dose of insulin causes blood sugar levels to plummet, which starves the brain of food and sends the patient into a coma.” The reason this form of therapy was a successful medical procedure for drug addicts and psychiatric patients was unclear.
John Nash, the mathematician and inspiration for the film “A Beautiful Mind,” was given insulin coma therapy as a treatment for his schizophrenia. The therapy was finally determined to be dangerous. About two percent of patients died from the procedure and it was eventually done away with as a medical treatment – thank goodness.The first procedure Rukovets discussed in her article was one I had heard of and one that might have contributed to the death of our first president, George Washington. The procedure is bloodletting. Bloodletting was a common practice in ancient times and lasted until into the 1800s. The procedure called for the removal of large amounts of blood from a patient and was used to treat a variety of illnesses.
Next on Rukovets’ list was hirudotherapy. This treatment was approved by the Food and Drug Administration in 2004 and utilizes leeches to remove excess blood and reduce swelling of tissues in a particular area. This procedure is said to allow fresh blood to reach the area to promote healing. Rukovet goes on to discuss the benefits of leech saliva and leech bacterium. Those would not be major topics of discussion for me anyway. And I certainly will not dicuss the possibility of using hirudotherapy in any way, shape or form.
If hirudotherapy isn’t bad enough as a topic of discussion, much less as a procedure, then maggot debridement therapy would be. Maggots may be good at healing wounds, but I will avoid this therapy. The maggots consume the dead flesh and leave live flesh alone. Like leeches for hirudotherpy, the FDA approved the use of maggots in 2004.
Fire cupping was mentioned in the article and it is what it says it is. A vacuum is created by air heated by fire in glass cups that are placed in rows on a patient’s back. This process is described as a “practice of Chinese medicine” and is used to cure bronchial congestion, arthritis and pain. I would think it creates pain rather than relieves pain. According to Rukovets, “available science does not support claims that fire cupping has any health benefits.”
Other strange medical procedures discussed by Rukovets in the article were trepanation, malaria therapy and seizure therapy. Trepanation is drilling a hole in a patient’s skull in order to treat a variety of health problems. Advocates of the procedure believe it is a means to a healthier and longer life. Malaria therapy is not for treating malaria. Instead, it is using the disease to treat other diseases – among them syphilis. Malaria infected blood is injected into a patient to cause a high fever which destroys the syphilis bacteria. I think I would prefer penicillin. Seizure therapy was used in the treatment of schizophrenia. Seizures were induced by injecting coma patients with a mixture of camphor and oil. It was considered too dangerous and discontinued as a therapy.
Finally, the ninth medical procedure Rukovets writes about was laugher therapy. Many people believe in the old adage, “Laughter is the best medicine.” This procedure is the use of humor to promote overall health, says Rukovet. According to Rukovet, the therapy has been used by doctors as early as the 13th century to distract patients from pain and modern research shows that laughter may have therapeutic value. Norman Cousins, who wrote the book “Anatomy of an Illness” back in 1979, claims to have healed himself from serious illness with laughter combined with vitamins. Some hospitals, according to Rukovets article, provide laughter therapy programs as a complimentary treatment to illness.
I am sure all of these therapies held some value over the years. I would discourage my doctor from proposing the use of any of them except the last one. Laughing always makes people feel better. It sure beats the heck out of leeches , maggots, seizures, fire and malaria. Take some advice from this non-doctor and laugh – laugh a lot.

Vampires just aren't the same

Just what is it about vampires that piques our interest?
It is beyond my comprehension, but I have to admit I am right in there with the rest of you when it comes to a good vampire story. Last weekend, I spent time to finish reading “Twilight” by Stephenie Meyer. Then I watched the movie of the same name. It was a strange interpretation of the “creatures of the dark.”
In fact, the creatures do not stay in the dark anymore. They blend right in with the rest of us as long as it is overcast outside. If it is not, they stay inside and tell people they have gone hiking and communing with nature. At least that is what Meyer says in her first book about the vampire family – the “Cullens” – who live in Forks, Wash.
She’s written four books in the series already and had started a fifth. Had started, that is, because it is now on hold. It seems a copy of the draft was released on the internet – something that should not have been done. A writer’s work is his or her own property to control. Anyone involved with the release of the document should be prosecuted to the fullest extent.
Meyer has released a portion of the story herself for her fans in hopes of giving them a chance to retain a semblance of honesty. I would not have even done that. I would just shelve the project and finish it later. After all, it is not that important to the series. The fifth book is the first book rehashed from the perspective of Edward Cullen – the star vampire of the first book - and I assume the other books as well.
I don’t know whether I will read the other books in the series. I did enjoy the first one. And, I enjoyed the first chapter of the second book that was a tease at the end of the first book. I would not have even read the first book if one of my daughter’s students – Bryce Mickelson – had not sent it to me to read. I do not usually read vampire stories though I will read Kay Hooper books. Hooper’s books are about a special division of the FBI filled with agents with special spooky powers. Usually, I read Lee Child, John Grisham, Stuart Woods, Clive Cussler and James Patterson. I have read just about all of their books and am anxiously awaiting their new releases.
But, I will admit to having an infatuation with vampires – just like the rest of you. I am, however, a traditionalist when it comes to vampires for the most part. I don’t know if I can ever fully accept vampires that can ramble around in the light, that have skin that shines like diamonds in the sun, that have a reflection in mirrors or in photographs or that can live off the blood of animals instead of humans. It does not make a lot of sense to abandon all the traditions of the past that have defined vampires. Vampires are evil.
I have a group of books I received as a present for Christmas – the “Southern Vampire Series” by Charlaine Harris – that I have not started to read. I plan to read them when I get time. I became interested in the books when I started watching the HBO series “True Blood.” The series is set in Louisiana. Now, that is a place where vampires could hide out without notice even if they only came out at night. There are a lot stranger things in Louisiana, especially in New Orleans, than vampires.
But, like Meyer’s vampire stories, Harris’ have some strange twists. The vampires drink synthetic blood developed by Japanese scientist to quench their thirsts and if people inject themselves with vampire blood they trip out like they have just taken some LSD. Harris also includes werewolves, witches and weretigers in her books.
Vampire books are supposed to be filled with horror stories, not new traits. Vampires are not supposed to evolve into super stars. Vampire stories are not supposed to be love stories. I used to understand vampires and knew they were bad creatures. Now, they may be the heroes of the stories. I do not understand them like I once did.
Reading vampire stories has become like watching professional wrestling. You cannot tell the good guys from the bad guys. You can no longer know when a finishing move is really a finishing move. In the earlier days of my youth, wrestlers never escaped the sleeper hold or the figure four leg lock. I blame Hulk Hogan for ruining the sleeper hold as a finishing move. I don’t remember the first wrestler I saw “reverse” a figure four leg lock, but I blame him too.
Now, I guess I will blame Stephenie Meyer and Charlaine Harris for ruining vampires. What’s next? Will the Frankenstein Monster do a song and dance. No, wait, “Young Frankenstein” ruined that already.