Remembering Paul Lynde

I had the opportunity to watch some old television shows recently – old television game shows of my youth. The time I spent watching brought back some great memories of what my children refer to as the “ancient days” of television. I’m old. I admit that, but television is much older.
I thought I would share with you what I believed to be one of the greatest funnymen of all-time and the show that made him its star.
For 13 consecutive seasons, Paul Lynde was a regular cast member on the television game show “Hollywood Squares.” For most of those years, 1968-1979, he was the permanent player in the center square of the tic-tac-toe game that awarded prizes that would be laughed at when compared to today’s prize packages.
Lynde was a riot – the master of the one-liner, the “zinger.” He was also one of the first gay actors with a major role on television. That played a big part in his role on “Hollywood Squares.” But, I’m not writing about Lynde because he was gay. He was no Harvey Milk. Lynde was just plain funny.
He was funny enough to win two Daytime Emmy Awards for his performance on “Hollywood Squares.” He could have won many more awards for his comedy, if he had lived longer. He died in 1982 of a heart attack at age 55.
Lynde got away with some pretty racy answers in his role on “Hollywood Squares.” No one would even blink today at the answers he gave back then, but he made then funny – almost innocent, but not quite. I can remember the show’s host, Peter Marshall, losing his composure when Lynde gave his answers. Marshall, at times, laughed until he cried. I cannot believe he was able to complete filming of the show when Lynde was on a roll.
Lynde was not the only funny person to fill one of the nine squares for the games, which began as once a week events, then twice weekly and finally as a nightly program. Some of the other famously funny people to fill squares over the years included Wally Cox, Don Knotts, Jim Backus, Rose Marie, Morie Amsterdam and Cliff Arquette . . . better known for his character Charlie Weaver. They were all funny, but Lynde was the king on this show.
It was a sad day for fans of the show when Lynde decided to step down. He did come back after a year off for the final season of the original version. Without Lynde for a year, the show fell in the ratings. His return was too late to give “Hollywood Squares” the boost it needed to survive in its original form.
I thought you might like to read some of the great “zingers” Lynde used on the show. Here are a few . . .
Question: True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas.
Lynde: Yes. We call them winos.

Question: Do we get heat from stars?
Lynde: You will if I have to share my dressing room again.

To the question, “In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?”
Lynde: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.

Question: Can you get an elephant drunk?
Lynde: Yes, but he still won’t go up to your apartment.

Question: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Lynde: Make him bark.

Question: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Question: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Question: Why do sheep sleep huddled together?
Lynde: Because Little Boy Blue is a weirdo.

Question: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Lynde: Tape measures.

If you want to see and hear Lynde dish out his zingers, go look him up on Youtube.com. But I warn you, the ones I listed above are some of the milder ones – at least for when it comes to a family newspaper.